 Parenting With Unconditional LoveDo you know what unconditional love means? Do you wantyour child to love you for the right reasons? Do you want your child to love himself and grow up with confidence? Parenting with unconditional love can help you and your youngster reach these goals. How do I know? Did I discover this invaluable piece of advice from one of my many psychology books? Actually, I learned it from my grandmother. She had no psychological training, but she instinctively knew how to love a child. She showed that love in the way she made you feel like you were the most important person on earth. Lest I forget, grandma saw to it that I behaved. She was no push over. However, because she treated me so well, with such great respect, sensitivity and interest, I keenly desired to behave well for her, to show her my best side. Imagine, feeling, as a child or for that matter, at any age, that you were the most important person on earth! Hence, parenting tip number one is to make your child feel like he or she is the most important person in the world by regularly, looking at her and what she is doing with genuine curiosity, which gives you the joy of noticing what a unique character she is, causing that joy to bubble up from your heart to your eyes, such that when your child looks up into your eyes, she feels your joy as her joy. Then when and if appropriate, communicate this joy and interest to her. This unconditional love can be a tall order, so I will give an example. When I was five years old, grandma watched me play with my stuffed animals. As I looked up into her admiring, smiling eyes, she laughed and showed interest by asking me what I was doing. After I answered with my usual, “Just playing,” she laughed again and said, with genuine enthusiasm and glee, what fun she got from watching me play, how she never saw anyone having as much fun as me, and how I proved so excited and full of energy in my play. Grandma was a busy woman, but she always took time to show this unconditional love for me throughout my life. It never waned or wavered. In turn, she was rewarded for her kindness by my making time for her in my life. After I’d grown to adulthood and become a busy professional, you’d think the president of the United States had come to see her when I visited. You see, even as an adult, when I entered the room, she made me feel as if I were the most important person on earth. This is an example of what parenting with unconditional love can do. Granted, grandma had been blessed with this tremendous ability for making people feel good about themselves. Nevertheless, if we, as parents, can give a little of grandma’s unconditional love to our children, it will go a long way in helping them value themselves and develop into all they can be, instead of wasting time trying to gain the approval and love of others as adults. I have grandma to thank for becoming a counselor because when I grew older, I remembered how she watched kids and found their behavior interesting and exciting. She said, “You just never know what a kid is up to. Whether it’s something mischievous or good, I just get a kick out of them.” I learned to look through her eyes and see kids in interesting and exciting ways. Perhaps you can too. It is a real gift, not only for your child, but for you too. Points to ponder concerning unconditional love: 1. Take some time to observe your child and give yourself an opportunity to notice and appreciate his behavior, both negative and positive. Can you delight in what a unique character he is? 2. Unconditional love for your child is love in action. It is the act of demonstrating you care through genuine respect and interest in your child that is reflected in your elevated expression, speech, feelings and other actions. 3. One result of unconditional love is the child feels known, valued and important. 4. Another result is the child feels comfortable in your presence to be herself. 5. Through unconditional love, the child learns to love and value himself. 6. Verbal I love yous are okay, if they are genuine, but they cannot replace love in demonstrated action as described in number one above. 7. Unconditional love can be a tall order. Just realizing what it is, and its importance to our children can help us all, slowly, improve in the way we see and treat them. Parenting with love and logical consequences complements unconditional love.
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