Parenting With Unconditional Love

Do you know what unconditional love means? Do you want
your child to love you for the right reasons? Do you want
your child to love himself and grow up with confidence?
Parenting with unconditional love can help you and your
youngster reach these goals. How do I know? Did I discover
this invaluable piece of advice from one of my many
psychology books? Actually, I learned it from my
grandmother.

She had no psychological training, but she instinctively
knew how to love a child. She showed that love in the way
she made you feel like you were the most important person
on earth.

Lest I forget, grandma saw to it that I behaved. She was
no push over. However, because she treated me so well,
with such great respect, sensitivity and interest, I keenly
desired to behave well for her, to show her my best side.

Imagine, feeling, as a child or for that matter, at any
age, that you were the most important person on earth!

Hence, parenting tip number one is to make your child feel
like he or she is the most important person in the world
by regularly, looking at her and what she is doing with
genuine curiosity, which gives you the joy of noticing
what a unique character she is, causing that joy to bubble
up from your heart to your eyes, such that when your child
looks up into your eyes, she feels your joy as her joy.
Then when and if appropriate, communicate this joy and
interest to her. This unconditional love can be a tall
order, so I will give an example.

When I was five years old, grandma watched me play with my
stuffed animals. As I looked up into her admiring, smiling
eyes, she laughed and showed interest by asking me what I
was doing. After I answered with my usual, “Just playing,”
she laughed again and said, with genuine enthusiasm and
glee, what fun she got from watching me play, how she never
saw anyone having as much fun as me, and how I proved so
excited and full of energy in my play.

Grandma was a busy woman, but she always took time to show
this unconditional love for me throughout my life. It never
waned or wavered. In turn, she was rewarded for her
kindness by my making time for her in my life. After I’d
grown to adulthood and become a busy professional, you’d
think the president of the United States had come to see
her when I visited. You see, even as an adult, when I
entered the room, she made me feel as if I were the most
important person on earth. This is an example of what
parenting with unconditional love can do.

Granted, grandma had been blessed with this tremendous
ability for making people feel good about themselves.
Nevertheless, if we, as parents, can give a little of
grandma’s unconditional love to our children, it will go a
long way in helping them value themselves and develop into
all they can be, instead of wasting time trying to gain the
approval and love of others as adults.

I have grandma to thank for becoming a counselor because
when I grew older, I remembered how she watched kids and
found their behavior interesting and exciting. She
said, “You just never know what a kid is up to. Whether
it’s something mischievous or good, I just get a kick out
of them.” I learned to look through her eyes and see kids
in interesting and exciting ways. Perhaps you can too. It
is a real gift, not only for your child, but for you too.

Points to ponder concerning unconditional love:


1. Take some time to observe your child and give yourself
an opportunity to notice and appreciate his behavior, both
negative and positive. Can you delight in what a unique
character he is?

2. Unconditional love for your child is love in action.
It is the act of demonstrating you care through genuine
respect and interest in your child that is reflected in
your elevated expression, speech, feelings and other
actions.

3. One result of unconditional love is the child feels
known, valued and important.

4. Another result is the child feels comfortable in your
presence to be herself.

5. Through unconditional love, the child learns to love and
value himself.

6. Verbal I love yous are okay, if they are genuine, but
they cannot replace love in demonstrated action as
described in number one above.

7. Unconditional love can be a tall order. Just realizing
what it is, and its importance to our children can help us
all, slowly, improve in the way we see and treat them.


Parenting with love and logical consequences complements
unconditional love.

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