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Playful Parenting For Children And TeenagersPlayful parenting, as used herein, means being mindful thatplay is not only an important part of your child's life, but is to be encouraged by your actions for what is a child without play? I would maintain not a child at all! Playful parenting understands the importance of play in a child's life. Observe a seven year old child playing some time. Notice the various emotions released in play: anger, happiness, sadness, love, etc. Note the problem solving and emotional satisfaction that can revolve around these emotional themes. Notice the tremendous energy and drive to play most children possess. And how about the role playing involved in play, where the child may be alternatively mother, father, baby, etc.? Playful parenting understands that a child, not only expresses and copes with her emotions through play, but problem solves and even satisfies her emotional needs to an extent. Whereas an adult can express his emotions, needs and worries verbally, a child meets these needs through play because the child has not developed the verbal capacity to express and cope with such challenges. One reason teen parenting may be difficult is because teens are losing their childhoods earlier and earlier. That is to say, they are pressured to act like adults before they are emotionally mature enough to assume such responsibility. Since childhood and play are virtually synonymous, the playful parenting approach realizes teenagers must have ample time to play since it acts like a safety pressure valve releasing all that pent up emotional energy and the fun, laughter and bonding act like a salve to help heal mental wounds. Increased human bonding is the second aspect of group play. Play, by its very nature, is inclusive, which in turn, encourages greater bonding or connectedness between the participants. This is achieved, not just because everyone is allowed to play, but due to the creativity and imagination necessary to make it work. Teen parenting, in particular, must encourage play for the aforementioned reasons. However, there is another critical reason playful parenting is important: Motivation! We've all noticed how children's play is characterized by terrific energy and drive. This motivation must never be lost, but encouraged through playful parenting, and then later, to some degree, transferred into the classroom, and afterwards to one's job. Imagine how much easier school work and one's job would be if some of that childhood drive that we all once possessed were involved? How does a parent encourage play for his child? First, he must understand what play is and what it is not. American Heritage’s first definition of play is the following: “To occupy oneself in amusement, sport, or other recreation.” For the purposes of this book, play will be defined as the occupying of oneself in a pursuit involving liveliness, fun and imagination, but where the competitive component is either minor or nonexistent. I use this particular definition of play to differentiate between competitive play as a game of, say, football, versus play as a group of kids playing with their stuffed animals or dolls. One situation emphasizes organized, structured play and all that goes with that such as perfectionism, practice, and winning and losing. The second situation stresses liveliness, fun, imagination, and emotional satisfaction, the type of play that promotes the optimization of mental health. Thus, neither most computer games nor organized sports would be considered play under the playful parenting definition. However, the neighborhood sandlot baseball games, where all ages often took part, including little sister, dad and even mom, for example, would be considered play. The difference between the organized game and the neighborhood game was the lessening of the competitive aspect and increasing the possibility for imagination and fun required so that all might be involved. The following tale exemplifies the playful parenting definition of play: Thirteen year old Jeff didn’t possess the skill to play organized baseball; however, he loved the game and proved an avid San Francisco Giant baseball fan. He knew all the players by name and owned baseball cards representing every player in the entire National League. Although not a regular neighborhood participant in street sand lot games, he occasionally chanced upon a game and was allowed to play. Jeff took the game very seriously. He wanted to pitch and eventually got his turn. He had an unusual windmill type windup that disappeared from use early in the last century. As Jeff stood on the mound going through his gyrations, one got the impression that it was not Jeff pitching, but some Hall of Famer, like Sachel Page. He stared his opponents down through thick rimmed spectacles that seemed to cause his eyes to, unsettlingly, bulge out, toward the batter. Then Jeff would suddenly windup and throw for all he was worth, frequently a bit wildly, so that batters stepped, not only in the bucket but out of the batter’s box, or even dove to the ground. Although Jeff didn’t throw particularly hard, his antics on the mound earned him a reputation in the neighborhood. It wasn’t a bad reputation. It wasn’t a good reputation, but it, nonetheless, was a reputation, a kind of respect, because you never were quite sure how, what, when or where Jeff was going to pitch. On the other hand, when a batter complained about Jeff’s unusual style and wildness, Jeff learned that he needed to, at least, sometimes, limit his unusual style to one more fitting the game. The upshot of all this was that Jeff, not only got to play a game he dearly loved, but, afterwards got to show the other kids his neat baseball card collection, as well as share baseball tales with the team. This vignette illustrates well the flexibility, learning, and coming together encouraged by playful parenting. On the contrary, in the typical little league game, in order to participate, one must qualify according to age, willingness to practice and skill level. These qualifications, not only limit who will play, they limit how the game will be played, that is to say, the demeanor of the game. Participants are rated according to superior skills in the little league game. This often leads to feelings of superiority and inferiority. Not only may you be excluded from the game because of possessing an inferior skill level, but you may make the team but still be excluded from the game by being relegated to the bench, or you may be allowed to play but be resented by teammates because they attribute their team losses to your inferior skills. What's more, coaches feel the pressure to win that is transmitted to the kids at earlier and earlier ages. Hopefully, the foregoing example, gives the reader an idea of what constitutes play as defined by the playful parenting approach. With this example in mind, one can understand how play increases self-confidence, communication skills and one’s sense of belonging, not to mention liveliness, imagination, fun and flexibility. It has been said that children act out and work out their problems through play much like adults work their problems out through venting during conversation. Therefore, if the parent can encourage the kind of play discussed here through playful parenting, this will facilitate children's ability to cope with stress and the every day challenges they experience. Another occurrence of concern is the early introduction of children to formal, structured schooling. Parents have told me they feel pressured to enroll their children into school as soon as possible so they won’t fall behind their peers. In some cases children are being rushed into formal education at two and three years of age. It’s been reported that kindergarten naps are a waste of time that could be more effectively utilized learning academics! I think formal, structured educational programs are not a good idea at such a young age because they can interfere with children’s need for play. Forcing the ABC’s and math into young children’s cerebrums, not only can hinder their natural curiosity and desire to learn, but prevent their brain’s need for, relatively, unstructured development. It is through play and playful parenting that children discover themselves and the natural world. More importantly, we do not yet understand all the emotional repercussions of young children whose play is impeded or blocked all together. Does this stunt emotional growth? Does it prevent children from acting out and resolving inner emotional turmoil that they are not yet old enough to deal with verbally? Does this limit the student’s range of creativity and imagination in later years? Playful parenting encourages a child to approach learning as play. The child that can approach learning as play will be the one who continues to delight in learning all his or her life, because, instead of being worn down, or burned out by education, they become enlivened by it. More importantly, through their superior imagination and creativity, new discoveries are made that add to the human body of knowledge. This approach is what needs to be promoted, not only in early childhood education, but all through the educational years. These children that approach learning as play will soon catch up to their peers when put into formal educational programs, and, in all likelihood, surpass them due, not only to their greater enthusiasm for learning but, also, to the increased flexibility of mind, creativity and imagination that play generates. To recapitulate, playful parenting means:
Playful parenting blends well with parenting with love and logical consequences.
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