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A Parenting Style For The Temperamental ChildThe right parenting style for the temperamental child can spell relieffor frustrated parents attempting to cope with temperamental children. Parenting a temperamental child can be the most frustrating experience in the world to a mother and father. Even successful moms and dads may find themselves feeling like failures when a temperamental child is born into the family because the parenting style that worked for their other children proved unsuccessful with the temperamental child. Before understanding why their parenting styles may need to be adjusted, moms and dads must first understand what temperament is. Temperament is a relatively stable set of in-born traits a child is born with that constitute a child’s disposition toward the world. So, for example, one can say that my daughter is disposed to being very active. She can’t sit still for a second. Other children are disposed to possess temperaments characterized by persistence, or a short attention span, or emotional intensity, etc. There is no good or bad temperament, only some that are more challenging to cope with for some parents. This is why it is important for a parent to learn and understand the emotional temperament of her child, and then use that knowledge to formulate a successful parenting style. A second reason it is important to understand your child’s temperament is so you don’t blame yourself for her behavior. In seeking parenting advice for troubled kids with temperament problems, counseling is always advisable because professional advice is needed in determining the proper strategy foryour child. I recall a six year-old boy that was referred to me where I worked at a special day school. Danny's parents brought him to parenting help because his temperament problem was not liking change. He frequently exploded in outbursts of anger when, for example, it was time to go to lunch. Danny proved very challenging to me, until I realized I needed to stop trying to change him, and devise a parenting style to deal with his temperament. I discovered that when Danny was informed fifteen minutes ahead of time that lunch would be served, he might frown and get mildly angry, but his temper tantrums decreased markedly. Soon, through experience in devising strategies to cope with Danny’s temperament, I learned just what to tell him to decrease his tantrums, and he, in turn, learned to ask me questions about the upcoming change that helped him adjust. Danny's improvement proved extraordinary, and it had everything to do with developing specific parenting strategies to cope with his difficulty adjusting to change. So, in Danny's case, all that was required was a flexible parenting style with a specific strategy that involved informing Danny ahead of time that a change in his schedule was about to occur. He was informed an hour before lunch of what to expect when lunch time arrived and again forty five minutes later. For the most part, this solved Danny's tantrums. The following is a list of nine child temperament types that flexible parenting styles, using formulated strategies, can address:
temperament traits, you will discover which trait or traits appear problematic for you and then create a parenting style and strategy to cope with your child's temperament. For example, if your child happens to greet the world with a negative mood that doesn’t mean he or she is a bad child. It’s just how he or she is. By understanding this is how your child was born and that this trait is unlikely to change, you can simply accept it, as part of a more flexible parenting style and formulate a successful parenting strategy, rather than frustrate yourself and your child by trying to change him. This doesn’t mean you can’t humor your child. This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your child. He may turn out in his or her own way to be quite a character and someone who isn’t easily intimidated by other’s personalities. It does mean, however, that you have to learn a parenting strategy to cope with the child temperament in question. Parenting style and child temperament is the most important topic in the world to a mom or dad attempting to rear one of these, often, very challenging children. Hence, I suggest you read a book on the subject. There exist a number of good books that will not involve too much of your time. One is “Temperament Tools: Working With Your Child’s Inborn Traits” by Helen Neville and Diane Clark Johnson. A little of your spare time reading this book or other similar books, concerning temperament, could save you a lot of time and frustration in the long run. An understanding of parenting style and child temperament can aid in coping with personality clashes between adult and child, when, through no fault of their own, fate decides to team them up in as, for example, a combination of father and daughter. In such a situation, the daughter may be extremely active with high intensity. She spends her time noisily jumping from one activity to another. The father, on the other hand, may be sensitive to noise and possess a low activity level so that he seeks peace and rest after a long day’s work. This combination of parent and child can spell disaster because, while the child is energetically and loudly enjoying herself, she may be disturbing and exhausting her father who is babysitting with her. Knowing the potential for a temperament clash exists ahead of time can allow for planning to minimize this effect.
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