Parenting With Love And Logical Consequences

How does parenting with love and logical consequences
work? It works because it emphasizes learning of what the
consequences are and understanding the purpose of the
consequences. It teaches independence and responsibility,
not only from the child learning from theconsequences of
his behavior, but due to the fact the child participates in
determining the consequences. Parents must always be
prepared to modify the consequences depending upon the
situation and the child.

A healthy child needs the setting of consequences and
consistent limits because as he grows toward adulthood
he will, eventually, have to face the consequences of his
actions anyway. Parenting with love and logical consequences
will properly prepare your child for the future.

Parenting with love and logical consequences applies to
limit setting too. Limit setting refers to your
expectations, regarding how you expect your child to act
or behave each day. It's important for care givers to
discuss their behavioral expectations with the child in
advance so that he comes to know and agree with these
expectations before he breaks any of the rules. Parenting
with love and logical consequences teaches the child what
the rules are and what to expect when the rules are broken.

For example, one rule of conduct might be no swearing. It’s
important to go over words considered swear words, and what
the consequences will be for breaking this rule. An
example, of a consequence, depending upon the age of the
child, is having him spend time in his room writing about
swearing. How he feels hearing other kids swear? How he
thinks others react to his swearing. Where he learned to
swear? What are his future swearing plans? Why he swore
this time? One can make the list longer in proportion to
the depth of the problem. Then one can discuss the problem
with the child and make the length of that discussion,
also, proportional to the problem.

Hence, in parenting with love and logical consequences, the
child learns about his negative behavior. Rather then
simply being punished for it, he is made to think about it,
and its consequences.

Setting limits work better if reasons for the rule are
explained, in such a manner, that the child, not only
understands the reasons, but, also, realizes it is for his
own betterment. This is what parenting with love and
logical consequences is all about.

What's more, the explanation and the consequences must be
age appropriate. A five year old might be simply told that
swearing sounds bad, where a ten year old might be asked
what he thinks of someone who swears, or that you don’t
like swearing because it is often loud and upsetting, and
other people find it disturbing as well. Moreover, it
might be explained that swearing indicates a lack of
emotional control, and we all need to learn to control our
emotions to a certain degree. Thus parenting with love and
logical consequences takes into account the age of the
child.

Consequences work better when they can be agreed upon by
both parent and child since then the child is more likely
to comply with a consequence he helped create. It might be
that a five year old will take a five minute time out as
her consequence, but a ten year old might agree to a 10
minute time out spent in his room thinking about what he
said and why it happened. As mentioned previously, they
could write about what caused them to curse and what they
could do to prevent it from happening next time. Then they
might explain to you what they wrote. Hence, parenting
with love and and logical consequences increases the
child's commitment to betterment by encouraging him to
contribute to the program.

It is important to keep in mind that parenting with love
and logical consequences is not a one size fits all
program. The five year old might spend two minutes sitting
down in the kitchen thinking about what he did and then be
able to talk to you about it when he’s done. Different
consequences are appropriate for different ages and
different children. Tailor consequences to suit your
children.

Keep in mind punishment is not the goal, but improved
behavior.

It is important to see that limits are consistently
enforced and not changed haphazardly. This can confuse
the child and prevent the consequence from effectively
decreasing the undesirable behavior. If the child thinks
he can talk you out of a consequence, then he will try. It
is best not to listen to excuses, but simply demand the
child face the agreed upon consequences forthwith.

Therefore, simply tell the child to go to his room or
whatever behavioral consequence was agreed upon. The
more you allow the child to delay, control or change the
consequences once he has misbehaved, the less effective
they will be, and the more the undesirable behavior will
remain or worsen. Although parenting with love and
logical consequences is tailored for each unique child, it
must be consistently followed and enforced.

On the other hand, it is important not to apply
consequences that are too harsh. The point is not to make
the child suffer, but to help him learn from his mistakes.

This page isn’t meant to discuss limit setting and
consequences in a detailed manner, on account of the fact
that this is such a vast subject that books have been
written about this topic. Reading one or two of these
books and discussing any questions you might have with a
counselor should save any parent a lot of time and
trouble.

Unlike the Ten Commandments, these books are guides and
needn’t be followed verbatim. Rather, such materials can be
used as a resource upon which you can develop your own
approach to limit setting, one that you can tailor to suit
you and your family.

Despite my cursory introduction to parenting with love and
logical consequences, this topic is extremely important for
it is through the experiencing of parenting with love and
logical consequences that a child becomes prepared to live
with real world consequences for her actions once she
leaves the safety of her home. It is through the setting of
reasonable limits and consequences that a parent teaches
the child to control her own behavior.

In other words, this is how the child learns self-control.
This self-control applies to the child’s control of her own
emotions. Imagine how difficult and confusing it must be
for a child that never had the good fortune of learning how
to cope with and control her own emotions? Imagine how
much you can help your child with this task by providing
them with, not only proper limits and consequences but
providing the older child with the logical reasoning behind
such goals that she can understand.
Limit and behavioral consequence setting by the parent is
crucial in order for children to learn to reason what the
consequences of their actions will be, and to develop the
inner control to calm themselves down, after a stressful
situation. Children learn all these abilities and more
chiefly from their parents.

The following is a summary of how to parent with love and
logical consequences:


  1. Make sure your child clearly understands how you expect
    him to behave.

  2. Discuss the consequences of misbehavior and get his
    input on what those consequences might be.

  3. Remember children are more likely to comply with
    consequences they helped create.

  4. Have your child explain to you and role play what
    behaviors you expect of him.

  5. Consequences for misbehavior should not emphasize
    punishment but learning to do the right thing by thinking
    about the problem and discussing it.

  6. Have him explain the consequences so you can be sure he
    understands them clearly.

  7. Don't forget to praise and point out positive behavior
    and the consequences of good behavior!

  8. Catch your child behaving positively and praise him.
    Try to see there are three praise statements to every
    negative statement.

  9. Be sure the child understands that the consequences, both
    negative and positive, are for his own betterment.

  10. Be sure all behavioral expectations and consequences are
    age appropriate and child appropriate. Remember kids are
    different. Tailor consequences to suit your children.


Thus, the parent, who learns parenting with love and logical consequences, is the one who will find parenting much easier
and end up with a happier, more self-assured child.

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