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How You Work Out A Parenting Style Conflict MattersA parenting style conflict is not an unusual occurrencebetween spouses. Often such conflicts arise from each spouse's childhood experiences being raised by their respective parents. The most important aspect of a conflict is not who is right, but how the spouses resolve it. This is so because how spouses resolve a parenting style conflict, not only sets a good or bad example for their children, but sets the tone for the marriage. How a parenting style conflict is worked out foretells how successful the marriage partners will be resolving other conflicts. Hence, when parents are able to work out a parenting style conflict amicably, this sends a positive message to their children that differences are okay and can be, not only tolerated but coped with as well. The opposite message results when a parenting style conflict snowballs into increased unresolved problems. Therefore, when a parenting style conflict arises, instead of fighting, realize some conflict is normal, agree in advance to take a break to cool down and ponder the reason for the conflict. Concentrate on finding the right solution, instead of focussing on who is right. Determining the correct solution, even if it is your partner's solution, is more important than being right. Don't assume you are automatically right; instead, attempt to see the problem from your partner's perspective. Remember each partner brings his or her own strengths and weaknesses to a marriage. This may be an opportunity to use one of those strengths or work on one of those weaknesses. Again, it's not who's right, but how you work it out that matters. Working out a parenting style conflict successfully will, no doubt, lead to a stronger marriage, a better family and send a healthy message to the children. Hence, successful resolution of a parenting style conflict can improve families and bode well for future marriage success. When parenting style conflicts arise it is important not to argue in front of the children, instead, agree to disagree. This parenting strategy means to agree to discuss disagreements in child rearing where the children can't hear you. Seeing parents argue is stressful enough for children, particularly if it becomes loud. It’s not unusual for parents to experience parenting style conflicts, but agree to disagree in the bedroom, or, at least, out of earshot of your children. There are several reasons for this suggestion. For one, young children, in particular, need the stability parents provide. Hearing and seeing parents battling away before them conjures up all kinds of fears, one of the worst being divorce. What's more, heated arguments set a bad example for your children. Thus it is best to resolve parenting style conflicts away from the children. Third, the kids may side with one parent in the argument. So what started as a parenting style conflict between two parents, now becomes an altercation among three or more people. Fourth, the kids may take sides after the disagreement, effectively splitting the family apart. The stricter parent becomes the bad guy. A deteriorating situation develops where the the kids start going to the good guy parent when ever they want to get their way. This situation is one of the worst examples of parenting because the mother and father have chosen to side with the kids against each other, rather than work out the parenting style conflict in private. In other words, such a situation is not parenting at all. The family unit is destroyed and replaced by child rulers that rule through parent intimidation. If this occurs in your family, agree to disagree, then seek counseling immediately. If each parent is willing to be a little flexible concerning his or her child rearing practices, such a problem can be solved fairly easily. However, it's much more challenging to agree to disagree when one or both parents are determined to sacrifice their parental responsibility in order to win their child's love. This results in major harm to the child, because, in effect, the child has no real parent. This type of parent is thinking that if he does not let the child have her way that the child will not love him. He competes for his child's love with the other parent. This person is placing his need for love above his responsibility to parent his child. The person that places the need for his child's love above his parenting responsibility is no parent. Moreover, this is not normal parent-child love because the parent is willing to sacrifice his child's emotional growth towards maturity in order to satisfy his own selfish needs for love. In cases like this, the child often grows up to be emotional immature and forever dependent on the parent who abused her so, but, at the same time, often resenting that parent. Early family counseling is critical in such cases and the sooner, the better. For futher help with parenting style conflicts, click to the Parenting With Love And Logical Consequences page. The chief points to consider when resolving a parenting style conflict are the following:
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