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The Definition of Unconditional LoveOne definition of unconditional love is self-love. Another definitionof unconditional love is loving the child despite his behavior. What is unconditional love? This article will attempt to answer that question, but first, let's ask some related questions. Do you want your child to love you for the right reasons? Do you want your child to love himself and grow up with confidence? Parenting with unconditional love may allow you to attain these goals. How do I know? Did I discover this invaluable piece of advice from one of my many psychology books? Actually, I learned more about the definition of unconditional love from my grandmother than any book. She had no psychological training, but she instinctively knew how to love a child. She showed that unconditional love in the way she made you feel like you were the most important person on earth. Lest I forget, grandma saw to it that I behaved. She was no push over. However, because she treated me so well, with such great respect, sensitivity and interest, I keenly desired to behave well for her, to show her my best side. Trust, respect, sensitivity and interest are all part of the definition of unconditional love. Imagine, feeling, as a child or for that matter, at any age, that you were the most important person on earth! So, what is unconditional love? It is positive parenting that makes your child feel like he or she is the most important person in the world by regularly, looking at her and what she is doing with genuine curiosity, which gives you the joy of noticing what a unique character she is, causing that joy to bubble up from your heart to your eyes, such that when your child looks up into your eyes, she feels your joy as her joy. Then when and if appropriate, communicate this joy and interest to her. This definition of unconditional love can be a tall order, so I will give an example. When I was five years old, grandma watched me play with my stuffed animals. As I looked up into her admiring, smiling eyes, she laughed and showed interest by asking me what I was doing. After I answered with my usual, “Just playing,” she laughed again and said, with genuine enthusiasm and glee: how she delighted in watching me play, how she never saw anyone having as much fun as me, and how amazing I was to get so excited and energetic in my play. Grandma was a busy woman, but she always took time to show me unconditional love throughout my life. It never waned or wavered. In turn, she was rewarded for her kindness by my making time for her in my life. After I’d grown to adulthood and become a busy professional, you’d think the president of the United States had come to see her when I visited. You see, even as an adult, when I entered the room, she made me feel as if I was the most important person on earth. This is a good example of the definition of unconditional love. Granted, grandma had been blessed with this tremendous ability for making people feel good about themselves. Nevertheless, if we, as parents, keep this definition of unconditional love in mind, and give a little of grandma’s unconditional love to our children, it will go a long way in helping them value themselves and develop into all they can be, instead of wasting time trying to gain the approval and love of others as adults. I have grandma to thank for becoming a counselor because when I grew older, I remembered how she watched kids and found their behavior interesting and exciting. She said, “You just never know what a kid is up to. Whether it’s something mischievous or good, I just get a kick out of them.” I learned to look through her eyes and see kids in interesting and exciting ways. Perhaps you can too. What a real gift, not only for your child, but for you too. We are parenting with unconditional love when we think about and do the following:
Can you see and love the uniqueness in your child? Understanding the definition of unconditional love will help you parent with love and logical consequences.
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