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Crisis Counseling and Suicide Surprise SignsCrisis counseling and suicide prevention has taught me thatwhat appears to be a simple misunderstanding between parent and child can lead to suicide. It's not unusual for parents to be caught completely by surprise when one of their children attempts suicide. According to scientific research, one reason teenagers are more susceptible to suicide than other age groups is due to changes in the brain that create increased impulsivity at around fourteen years of age. Suicides don't happen just to kids who misbehave, or kids on drugs or alcohol, or kids with poor grades. Sometimes the best behaved kids, with the best grades, and, apparently, everything to live for, commit suicide. So always take a suicide threat seriously. Along with other types of cases, I see teenagers for crisis counseling and suicide prevention at high schools. One day a high school teacher interrupted my counseling session to tell me that he was worried one of his students might be a suicide risk. He informed me that this student, we will call, David, was telling other students in the class that he felt like killing himself. I arranged to see David, immediately, for counseling and suicide risk assessment. Eighteen year old, six foot three inch tall, handsome and leanly built David Ferro appeared well groomed and a very presentable young man, but the sad expression on his face, the choked words that he slowly uttered, while staring at the floor, gave one a different impression. He had depression written all over him and had come none too soon to the counseling and suicide program. David said his parents had no clue that he was seriously contemplating suicide. In fact, he'd come to counseling and suicide therapy because he found himself thinking of various ways to do it. However, he had no specific plan yet, even though he'd been considering it for the past month. David described himself as an average to good student and never a behavior problem. His teachers agreed and said that until the past few months, David had seemed an affable teenager. Neither David nor anyone in his family had any prior history of depression. David intended to go to chef school after graduating from high school. Presently he worked part-time at a local restaurant. He said he loved his parents and had gotten along well with them until the past year when they'd begun to fight regularly. The main problem he presented for counseling and suicide prevention for was the fact they refused to allow him to stay out late at night to attend parties and sleep over at his male friend's home on the weekend. When I asked David if he used drugs, he said, "No." "Do you smoke marijuana?" "No," he responded. "Do you drink alcohol," I continued. "Sometimes I might have a beer but only to be sociable." Since many of the teenagers at this particular high school used drugs, I repeated, "You mean to say, you don't often drink alcohol and neither smoke marijuana nor use drugs at all?" "Yes," he replied, still staring at the floor. "So, why do you like going to these parties?" "Girls," David responded, "Girls. I want to date the girls I meet at the parties, but when I call home to ask my parents for permission to stay at the party longer, they demand that I come home. It's so frustrating." "You have an understandably good reason to want to attend parties. Now, I'm going to be asking your parents to meet with me in the counseling and suicide prevention program. So, in order for me to go to bat for you on this party issue, I need to be sure you're telling me the truth about the drugs and alcohol. Will they give me the same answers, you've given me that you take no drugs and consume little to no alcoholic beverages?" "Yes, they will." "If we can work out this problem with your parents, do you think you will still want to commit suicide?" "No." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because this is the only big problem we have." "No other problems?" "None." "How about getting to use the car when you want it?" "We have two cars. Mom and dad go to work together. I have my own job, so, I can use the car any time I want." "Can you promise me that between now and the next time I see you that you will not try to hurt yourself, and that you will call me for counseling and suicide therapy, a friend or 911 if you begin to think about it seriously again." "I promise." "You will be happy if we work this problem out in counseling and suicide therapy?" "I will." "Good, because, assuming your parents are reasonable people, I think we have a good change to work this out." The next week we all met at the high school for counseling and suicide therapy. Mr. and Mrs. Ferro were short compared to their son, David, coming only to his shoulders in height. They were in their late forties and stood stooped from all the physical labor they'd performed through the years. Both parents were proud their son intended to be a chef and already made almost as much money as they did working at a local restaurant. In fact, the owner said he'd hire David as his chef after he completed the program. Once we completed the pleasantries at our first meeting of crisis counseling and suicide therapy, I informed David's parents that the high school and I considered David a suicide risk. Both parents stared at me in disbelief and almost in unison began to laugh. I told them I wasn't kidding and that I feared for their son's life. Obviously shocked, both parents, suddenly, burst into tears. They hadn't a clue their son was contemplating suicide. During counseling and suicide therapy, I explained to Mr. and Mrs. Ferro how one of David's teachers came to me saying that David was telling other students how he wanted to kill himself that other teachers had heard similar stories, and that David just didn't seem like himself lately, that he appeared unhappy and unenergetic. David's parents explained that they'd seen no change in his behavior at home and besides they believed the problem with the parties was minor. They asked me how do parents know when to refer their child to counseling and suicide therapy? I said that teenagers, and even some middle school kids, are at a high risk for suicide these days. So one has to always be aware of these age groups as vulnerable to suicide. What's more with both parents often working, parents and children, too often, don't get to talk to each other to find out what's happening in their lives. Hence, I recommend always having at least one time of day where parents and their kids check in with one another. Dinner time is often a good time. Early warning signs of increased suicide risk are any change from normal behavior such as downward spiraling of school grades, decreased energy level, moping around, increased negativity, not getting out to meet with friends, increased fighting with siblings, suddenly spending all free time at home or locked in their rooms, or becoming loners. Note too that some say depression is the opposite of play. Children of all ages decrease stress by playing. Commonly cited suicide risk indicators are:
counseling and suicide risk prevention therapy, I asked Mr. and Mrs. Ferro the following questions: "Is your son well-behaved?" "Yes," they agreed. "Do you love your son?" "Yes." "Does David consume alcohol or take drugs." "No," they chimed. Then continuing, I explained, "Most good parents want to protect their children from the dangers of the outside world like drugs and alcohol, for example. Sometimes it is difficult for parents when their children change from children into adults. David has been undergoing that change. He has a good job. He has plans for his future as an adult, and he has been successful so far in moving toward these future goals." "Both parents agreed that David was grown up and that they were very proud of him." I asked, "Do you consider David an adult?" They looked at one another and nodded, yes. "He tells me he is unhappy because he wants to go to parties so he can date girls. Now that David is an adult, what is your opinion of that?" David's parents looked at each other in surprise. They'd been so busy working that they never had thought about David growing up to manhood. Mr. Ferro, after consulting with his wife, said, "My son is a man." "And as a man, do you think it's normal for him to want to attend parties and date girls?" "Yes," they agreed. I turned to David at this point and asked, "David, if your parents give you permission to attend these parties and arrange for sleep overs with your buddies, do you think this will help you get over your unhappiness that has triggered your suicide talk?" "Yes," he responded. "We will all have to discuss this subject more in counseling and suicide prevention therapy to make sure we understand one another, and you will need to talk among yourselves at home, but I think we've made a good start on solving this problem. The family agreed. We met a few more times. I called the home for a monthly check to see things were going okay and David reassured me he was happy. Furthermore, in checking with David's teachers over the next few months, they too, verified David's changed behavior for the better. A little parenting help through counseling and suicide prevention therapy made all the difference. What would have transpired if the teacher had not referred David to counseling, or what if the school had not had the foresight to hire a counselor that was readily available for counseling and suicide prevention? To summarize this section on counseling and suicide prevention:
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